1
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,740
The reason

2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,776
I left was because I
had to go talk to Donna

3
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,328
to tell her that I
can't see her anymore

4
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:11,929
because there's
something I have to do.

5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,814
-What?
-This.

6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,985
Oh, my.

7
00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:20,988
Something brought me
from the dirt today.

8
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,440
A presence most evil.

9
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,024
Although you know
me as a hardworking

10
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,927
publicist, I am, in
fact, Elias Woodstone,

11
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,562
an emissary for the Devil.

12
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,664
-No.
-When you signed the contract

13
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,734
to hire me, in exchange for
making your dreams come true,

14
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,569
I secured your soul for Satan.

15
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,822
What's important
for you is to relax

16
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:40,374
and enjoy what little time
you have left to live.

17
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:43,344
Look out!

18
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,079
Rats.

19
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,947
Thought I'd get him
on the first try.

20
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,249
Oh, well.

21
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,050
See you soon.

22
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:53,321
Sam? I'm afraid
to use the toaster.

23
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,789
I can't live like this.

24
00:00:58,226 --> 00:00:59,793
I know Elias showed up

25
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,363
and revealed that he had tricked
Jay into selling his soul

26
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,532
and is now actively
trying to kill him,

27
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,268
but it was a lovely
book launch party.

28
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,736
It's true.

29
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,772
It'll be pretty bitchin' as
one of Jay's last memories.

30
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,859
How is Jay doing today,
Samantha... still on edge?

31
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,777
Yes, we're both on edge.

32
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,990
An emissary of the Devil is
trying to kill my husband

33
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,865
and drag him to hell, so
we're on high alert, okay?

34
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,283
It's DEFCON 5.

35
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,352
Oh, actually, DEFCON 1
is the most dangerous.

36
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:25,453
Not now, Pete.

37
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,671
Sam,

38
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:29,006
did the bubble wrap
I ordered arrive?

39
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,842
I'm gonna need you
to wrap me up, babe.

40
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,228
Poor Jay. An eternity in hell.

41
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,429
I know what that's like.

42
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,682
I once spent a
weekend in Boston.

43
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,452
Jay, I don't think
this is gonna cut it.

44
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:42,687
We need a better solution than

45
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,271
hockey pads and
some bubble wrap.

46
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,940
You're thinking I should put
on my stormtrooper armor.

47
00:01:47,039 --> 00:01:49,377
Gah, wish I had mithril,
which, as you know,

48
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,180
protected Frodo from an orc's
spear at the mines of Moria.

49
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,414
Oh, I see,

50
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,815
he's intentionally trying

51
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:56,634
to shrivel your desire
for him in order to make

52
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,869
his upcoming absence
more bearable for you.

53
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,421
That's thoughtful.

54
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,839
I don't think the
answer is that we just

55
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,374
keep evading attempts
on your life.

56
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,593
We need to figure out how
to get you out of this deal.

57
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,495
How are Jay's fiddling skills?

58
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:09,680
Do people not get the reference?

59
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,064
"The Devil Went
Down to Georgia"?

60
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,200
It's a phenomenal song.

61
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,551
What are you talking about?

62
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,003
Oh, come on. "The Devil
went down to Georgia,

63
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,838
"he was looking for
a soul to steal.

64
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,657
"And he was in a bind
'cause he was way behind

65
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,108
and he was willing
to make a deal."

66
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,610
"When he came across a young man

67
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,395
"sawing on a fiddle
and playing it hot.

68
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,280
"So he hopped up
on a hickory stump,

69
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,732
and said, 'Boy, let
me tell you what.'"

70
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,667
What's going on? Are the
ghosts concerned for me?

71
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,151
Uh-huh.

72
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,703
♪ Fire on the mountain,
run, boys, run ♪

73
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,407
♪ Devil's in the house
of the risin' sun ♪

74
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:41,061
Are you tapping your toe?

75
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,129
Why are you tapping your toe?

76
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,464
It's just a nervous tic.

77
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,783
We're all nervous, Jay.

78
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,301
Thank you, guys.

79
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,372
-Hey!
-Yee-hah!

80
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,548
What's going on here?

81
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,217
Small man fixing ghost
trap in quixotic bid

82
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,018
to circumvent deal with Devil.

83
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:06,404
If you're wondering
about all the big words,

84
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,921
Sam got a word of
the day calendar

85
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,390
and Thor's been following along.

86
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:12,693
Thor never skip day.
Thor very ambidextrous.

87
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:13,944
He doesn't always nail it.

88
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,728
Jay, I was thinking,
maybe we should

89
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,348
start pureeing all
your food, you know,

90
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,833
cut down on choking hazards
while we're figuring out

91
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,735
this whole Elias thing. Wait.

92
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,203
What are you doing?

93
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:24,922
Well, you know, I was
thinking about what you said,

94
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,458
and I can't keep worrying
about Elias trying to kill me,

95
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,710
so I've come up with a plan.

96
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,211
And it is nuts.

97
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,414
I got in touch with Janis.

98
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:34,565
The Latvian ghost
trap repairman.

99
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:35,549
And he talked me through

100
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,216
how to fix the ghost trap.

101
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:40,087
If I live, we're having pierogis
with him and his mom next week.

102
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,222
-Cool.
-Anyways, the plan is

103
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,591
if Elias kills me, in
the few seconds I have

104
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:45,972
before he drags my soul to hell,

105
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,795
I'm just gonna
touch the ghost trap

106
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,530
and get sucked right on in.

107
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:50,948
So, in this scenario,
you're still dead,

108
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,366
but instead of going to hell,

109
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,951
you're just stuck in a
little box for eternity?

110
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,703
No, just until you
guys figure out a way

111
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,905
to extricate me from
the Devil's bargain.

112
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,808
Ask him about the tiny
furniture. It's crazy.

113
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,026
And the tiny doll furniture?

114
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,143
Well, I might be in there

115
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,445
for a while, and I thought

116
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,796
I might as well be comfortable.

117
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,198
It actually doesn't
cost much to live

118
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,416
a luxurious doll's life.

119
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,217
He's lost it.

120
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,752
And check this out.

121
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,004
Huh? You never let me

122
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,489
have one of those
in real big life.

123
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,492
I honestly can't tell
what he's rooting for.

124
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,844
Jay, I've just got
to be honest here,

125
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,329
this seems like a terrible plan.

126
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,163
Well, it's the one to beat.

127
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,633
Uh, Sam, Elias Woodstone is here

128
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,285
in demon form, and he
would like to talk to Jay.

129
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,670
Oh, no. Jay, Elias is here.

130
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,021
Okay.

131
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,874
Let's just hear
what he has to say.

132
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,344
Wait, wait.

133
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,779
Now I'm ready.

134
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,748
An eterna-cookie.

135
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:43,050
That's genius.

136
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,820
Hey. There's my
partner in crime.

137
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,089
If kissing were a
crime, which it's not.

138
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:51,576
Although arson is, and we did
almost burn this place down.

139
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,744
You're
damn right we did.

140
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,830
So, how are we planning
to tell everyone about us?

141
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,132
Oh, I'd like to
maximize jealousy,

142
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,802
and, ideally, it should
involve me singing.

143
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,355
Well, I mean, I know
it's not the same,

144
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,806
but when Carol
and I got engaged,

145
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,741
we announced it in the
Kiwanis newsletter.

146
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,344
There had been a float collision
at the Rhubarb Days Parade,

147
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,896
so most of the
other announcements

148
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,264
were pretty somber.

149
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,065
Oh. Well, maybe we
should just go downstairs

150
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,401
and tell everyone the good news.

151
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:17,851
We could.

152
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,853
Although, is it a
little insensitive

153
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,422
to put our happiness on display

154
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,491
with all Sam and Jay
are going through?

155
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:25,075
That's partly based
on some feedback I got

156
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,894
after the rhubarb tragedy.

157
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,862
Sure, I get that, it's just,

158
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,948
as far as everyone in
the house is concerned,

159
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,300
I professed my love to
you in front of everyone,

160
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,803
and then you immediately
fled the property.

161
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,271
Oh, boy. Yeah, I didn't
think about it that way.

162
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,741
Although, I mean, with all
this Jay stuff going on,

163
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,201
I-I doubt that's
on anyone's radar.

164
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,245
Yeah, I guess you're
right.

165
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,214
Leave the man alone, Alberta.

166
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,216
He's not interested.

167
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,552
I filled
her in on the whole

168
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:53,220
"day of humiliation" thing.

169
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,756
We're friends now. We walk.

170
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,725
Well, Carol, if you must know...

171
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,612
...I can't take a hint.

172
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,196
Can't blame a girl for trying.

173
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,400
Is there anyone for
her in the basement?

174
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,636
Creepy Dirk is newly single,

175
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,571
but he's pretty picky.

176
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,440
I'll do a temp check.

177
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,344
I'm here to talk about

178
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,613
the timeline of
your death. Wait.

179
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,381
What is that?

180
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:22,883
It's an air fryer.

181
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:26,053
I'm looking for healthier
ways to eat chicken nuggets.

182
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,020
Ah.

183
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,022
At last we come face to face,

184
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,658
hell spawn.

185
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,926
Who is this little freak?

186
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,161
Patience just came in

187
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:35,596
and is confronting Elias.

188
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,147
Seriously?

189
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,449
I knew I was right when I sensed

190
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,400
the Devil's presence
in this house.

191
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,769
And now

192
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,472
it is my destiny to smite thee.

193
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,607
Oh, damn, it's about to go down.

194
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,993
She says she's gonna
smite him, Jay.

195
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,778
Say goodbye, demon.

196
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,282
What's happening?

197
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,934
Is she shooting lasers
out of her eyes?

198
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,852
Are there flames?

199
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,337
Not exactly.

200
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,255
Smite! Smite! Smite!

201
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:05,158
Smite! Smite!

202
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,094
Smite!

203
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:10,180
Is this your whole plan?
Just to yell "smite?"

204
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,682
I mean, it does

205
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,033
leave one wanting.

206
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,151
Patience, have you
ever done this before?

207
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,435
Well, not exactly,

208
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:18,038
but I just assumed on
account of my holiness

209
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,140
and his wickedness...

210
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,459
Patience not need
to feel ashamed.

211
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:24,111
Very ambidextrous effort.

212
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,446
-It didn't work, Jay.
-Damn it.

213
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,615
I mean,

214
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:31,018
yay, my publicist is saved.

215
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,037
This doesn't make any sense.

216
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,022
Patience. Patience!

217
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,408
Now, where
were we? Ah, yes.

218
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,192
I am not here to kill you.

219
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,628
Okay.

220
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:41,962
Could be trick.

221
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,881
I often tell Dane, "Not
going to kill you,"

222
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,132
but then I do kill.

223
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:46,600
-Very funny.
-I realized

224
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,202
it was unsporting of
me to take your soul

225
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,955
before I made good on
my end of the bargain.

226
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,557
I mean, you made a
deal with the Devil.

227
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,241
You should get
something in return.

228
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,943
So, in exchange for Jay's soul,

229
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:59,229
I promise to take him to
new heights of success,

230
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,682
to put him and his
restaurant on the map.

231
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,652
So how long, exactly,
do I have left to live?

232
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,103
Gosh, I mean,

233
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,405
a rise from obscurity to
the top of the culinary heap

234
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,690
could take decades.

235
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,359
Decades. Okay, I can
work with decades.

236
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,528
No, I was saying it
could take decades,

237
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:17,297
if I were a less
incredible publicist.

238
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,801
But I pulled some strings
and worked my connections

239
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,370
and I secured you
an appearance on...

240
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,238
Good Hang with Amy Poehler!

241
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,592
-Oh, that's actually a really big podcast.
-Wow.

242
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:30,010
-Yeah. -So what does this mean?
-It means

243
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:32,179
that I fulfilled
my end of the deal.

244
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,481
Oh, one more thing...
it tapes tomorrow.

245
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,049
After which you die.

246
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:38,018
So, make it

247
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,385
a good hang,

248
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,389
for it shall be your last hang.

249
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,027
I can't believe you
married this guy, Hetty.

250
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,863
I had two cousins
to choose from.

251
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,865
And the other one
had weird teeth.

252
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,290
Big ol' bag of
gorp, this is bad.

253
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,259
We got to come up with a
plan to save Jay's life.

254
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,794
And three clever anecdotes

255
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,713
for Jay to talk
about on the podcast.

256
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,214
We've all heard the pasta story.

257
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:08,849
-That's not gonna cut it.
-Okay,

258
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,217
here's what I'm thinking...

259
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,119
I fill a ziplock
bag full of water,

260
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,721
put it in the ghost trap,

261
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,055
and now little Jay has

262
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,057
-a waterbed.
-Wait a minute.

263
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:18,509
-The ghost trap.
-Yeah, sweetie,

264
00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:20,527
-that's what it's called.
-No, I'm saying

265
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:23,430
what if we trick Elias
into going inside it

266
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,333
and hold him hostage until
he lets Jay out of the deal?

267
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:29,319
It's like what the cult did
to get that radio deejay

268
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,371
to read Bruce's
manifesto on air.

269
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,158
A good idea undermined
by a disturbing example.

270
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,126
The ghosts are saying we
should try to trap Elias

271
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:37,645
in the ghost trap.

272
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,079
Interesting.

273
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,648
Either he lets me
out of the deal

274
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:44,051
or we use the evisceration
function to destroy him.

275
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,186
But we can't trap a
demon in a ghost trap.

276
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,888
We need to get him
back to ghost form.

277
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,840
-Mm.
-Right. How are we gonna do that?

278
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,058
Jay?

279
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,643
The Good Hang folks want to know

280
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,511
what you'd like for lunch
in the green room tomorrow.

281
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,763
I don't know.

282
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,982
Big Dill Double Sonic
Smasher, I guess.

283
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,432
You're a chef, man.

284
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,935
What if I just refuse
to go to the podcast?

285
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,837
I-Is that some kind of loophole?

286
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,189
Sadly, it's not.

287
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,857
And, honestly, it's
just rude to Poehler,

288
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,441
who is lovely.

289
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,377
Speaking of lovely,

290
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,780
nice to see you again, Alberta.

291
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,484
Well, that must feel like
a nice shot in the arm

292
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:19,720
after the brutal public
rejection from Peter.

293
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,922
Still think you're a super lady.

294
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,190
Hey,

295
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,175
Elias seems like he's
really into Alberta.

296
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,427
Maybe we could use that to
lure him into ghost form.

297
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,846
-What do you mean?
-I'm just saying,

298
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,047
if Elias were made to think

299
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,515
he's got a shot
with Bertie here,

300
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,600
he'd have to turn into
a ghost to make a move.

301
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,169
You're suggesting a
classic Hoboken Honeypot?

302
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,722
And before anything happens,

303
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,873
we make him come into
contact with the ghost trap

304
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,726
and, boom... in he goes.

305
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:42,943
Sounds exciting. I'm in.

306
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:43,944
Oh, Bertie's about
to get flirty.

307
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,278
The ghosts

308
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,180
are suggesting we have
Alberta hit on Elias

309
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,532
to get him back into ghost form.

310
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:49,917
Interesting.

311
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,177
And her confidence isn't shot

312
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,452
from that whole Pete debacle?

313
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,371
Forget it. Send
this man to hell.

314
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,123
She can do it, Jay.

315
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,158
-I certainly believe in her.
-Shut up, Pete.

316
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,728
Well, I come

317
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,129
to bid thee farewell.

318
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,297
Following my failed smiting,

319
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,066
I am returning to the dirt,

320
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,236
where I shall live
out eternity in shame.

321
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,403
Okay.

322
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,504
-Bye.
-Nice seeing you.

323
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:12,873
-Ah.
-Wait, wait, Patience.

324
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:14,759
Are you okay?

325
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,977
I don't know.

326
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:20,180
For centuries, I've wondered
why God hath abandoned me

327
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,815
to this purgatory.

328
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:25,218
And then Elias came
and it all made sense.

329
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:28,021
I was kept here to
defeat the Devil.

330
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,657
I think I'm here
to entertain others

331
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:32,276
with my stories.

332
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,028
Have I ever told you about the
time I found a weird apple?

333
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,297
It just
doth make no sense.

334
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,667
A good and pure soul should
be able to vanquish evil.

335
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,035
Well, maybe...

336
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,187
and don't take this
the wrong way...

337
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,790
it's possible that your soul...

338
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,008
isn't so pure.

339
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,010
-Patience?
-Is true.

340
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,764
Patience spend much
time saying others bad

341
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,216
but not much time...

342
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:57,684
doing good.

343
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:01,922
Oh, so you're saying
Patience talketh the talk

344
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,024
but don't walketh the walk.

345
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,358
Yeseth.

346
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,628
Patience know what she need do.

347
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,798
Patience.

348
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,986
Now back to the apple story.

349
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,304
It was a red,

350
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,572
but it was a weird red.

351
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,809
No, he doesn't want
something better.

352
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,044
He wants Sonic.

353
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,481
A man who goes
after what he wants.

354
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,852
I wonder if there's anything
else he has his eyes on.

355
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,653
Excuse me?

356
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,222
It's just...

357
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:38,358
we don't get a lot of handsome
strangers around here.

358
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,560
Oh. I'm sorry.

359
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,163
Is it hot in here?

360
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,431
I'm not the best judge.

361
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,467
My condo is in the
fiery pits of hell.

362
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,686
Ooh, a homeowner.

363
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,355
Oh,

364
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,273
that's right.

365
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:54,975
When you're a demon,

366
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,526
I can't touch you.

367
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,979
Oh.
There's an easy fix for that.

368
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,750
Hello.

369
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:04,918
Oh, my.

370
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,837
So you
in ghost form now?

371
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,188
Indeed.

372
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,091
I believe you were about
to touch something.

373
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,059
No.

374
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,594
You're about to touch something.

375
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,182
He's in, Jay.

376
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,518
What's going on?

377
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:22,970
You're in a ghost trap, Elias.

378
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,905
And I just hit the
evisceration button.

379
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,707
You have five minutes to
release me from our deal

380
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,942
or you're toast.

381
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:30,527
Now I'm gonna wait for
you to say something

382
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,445
-and have Sam tell me what you said.
-Mm-hmm.

383
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,982
Why is
everyone screaming?

384
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,783
Who is that?

385
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:38,651
Who are you?

386
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,353
-Oh, no.
-Uh, Jay,

387
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,821
I think we have a problem.

388
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,790
It seems as if Carol is
also in the ghost trap.

389
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,193
Aw, crap.

390
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,649
Carol, what are
you doing in there?

391
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,012
Well, I
was in the kitchen

392
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,468
sniffing baked goods,

393
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,422
and Jay walked in with
this strange little box.

394
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,591
I tried to poke my head
in to see what was inside.

395
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:05,012
Next thing you know, I'm
in this weird little room.

396
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,296
Carol, I was holding

397
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,181
the ghost trap for
the last 20 minutes.

398
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:09,716
Why didn't you yell for help?

399
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:11,184
I must have fallen asleep.

400
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:14,287
There's this really
comfortable chair in here.

401
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,556
-Oh. -BarcaLounger.
-Great.

402
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:17,942
She would have been rescued,

403
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,243
but she fell asleep
in your doll chair.

404
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:20,760
So I would have
been comfortable.

405
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,112
Oh, this is rich.

406
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,396
You thought you had me.

407
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:24,898
Threatening to eviscerate me

408
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,333
unless I release Jay's soul.

409
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,135
But you can't destroy me

410
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,921
unless you destroy
your precious Carol.

411
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,722
-I don't know about "precious."
-Three minutes

412
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,124
-until evisceration.
-Oh!

413
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,608
Can we stop the clock?

414
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,594
Maybe we can just hold
them hostage for a while.

415
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,879
The only way to stop the
countdown is to let them out.

416
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,599
Or let them both, you
know... poof.

417
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:45,518
--Hetty.
-I am just talking it out.

418
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,354
I mean, it would save Jay.

419
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,223
And it's Elias. And Carol.

420
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,625
Uh, if we had to choose two
ghosts to be eviscerated,

421
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,361
would we be anywhere
different right now?

422
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,812
-Really? Hmm?
-All right,

423
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,214
so Carol's not quite
the bargaining chip

424
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,365
I thought I'd lucked into.

425
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,100
But we all know you don't

426
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,651
have it in you to eviscerate

427
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,536
-an innocent ghost.
-"Innocent"

428
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:06,790
is strong. She cuckolded Pete
for years with his best friend.

429
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,126
And then she lied to
him about his entire career,

430
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,661
leaving him to believe he
was a legitimate travel agent

431
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,813
when he was actually an
unwitting front for the mob.

432
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,133
Some of those trips
were real. Although,

433
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,851
some, in retrospect, appear
to have been assassinations.

434
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,754
You can also just kind of
tell she voted for Nixon.

435
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,556
When you put it all together,

436
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,158
she is kind of a bad person.

437
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,676
Jay, the ghosts
are sort of implying

438
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,196
that maybe it's okay
if we sacrifice Carol.

439
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,198
Not all the ghosts.

440
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,933
Look, I know Carol
is far from perfect,

441
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,436
but, deep down...
way, way down...

442
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,205
I know there's good inside her.

443
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:42,492
I don't want to
go to hell, but...

444
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,577
I signed that deal.

445
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,280
I can't do that
to somebody else.

446
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:48,815
Even Carol.

447
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,053
-Oh!
-Oh...

448
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,788
You tricked me, Jay.

449
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,525
Not cool!

450
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,928
He went back down.

451
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,496
Okay, so...

452
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:04,764
maybe the danger's passed?

453
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,716
Yes, I'm sure that's it.

454
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,370
Jay's life ends now.

455
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,039
Elias, please, just...

456
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,440
Silence!

457
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,143
Oh, my God!

458
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,627
-He's got the Force.
-Oh, my God,

459
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,429
was that the Force? Not
important right now,

460
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,131
but did Pete say
something about the Force?

461
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,815
-Yes, Jay.
-My man.

462
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,585
Look out!

463
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:32,576
Is Jay making

464
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,327
-lightsaber sounds?
-It helps him focus.

465
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,579
He's practiced
this in the mirror.

466
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,464
You're ready, Jay.
You've got this!

467
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,899
Your soul

468
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,234
will soon be mine, Jay,

469
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,802
and, with it, my promotion

470
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,922
from vice president to
senior vice president.

471
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,475
With shared assistant.

472
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:49,476
Aah!

473
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,744
Just stop, Elias!

474
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,146
Say goodbye, Samantha.

475
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,547
Wait!

476
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,486
Would you accept another soul

477
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,105
in his stead?

478
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,690
What happened, babe? Why'd
he stop trying to kill me?

479
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:07,227
I think Patience is
volunteering to take your spot?

480
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,329
-No way.
-It's about time

481
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,164
Patience walketh the walk.

482
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,132
Cool.

483
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,166
Let's make it official.

484
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,669
Oh, wow.

485
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,805
Wow, you can really
feel the heat.

486
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,873
Um, it's...

487
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:23,092
-it's pretty toasty.
-Patience,

488
00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,412
I'm so touched.

489
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:27,980
Yeah, I'm out.

490
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,849
This is just beyond
generous of you.

491
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,184
Seriously, I don't know

492
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,536
-how I'm ever gonna repay...
-Jay, she bailed.

493
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:33,586
Damn it.

494
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,805
That feral little dirtball.

495
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:36,889
All right, Jay.

496
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:38,391
Time to die.

497
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,279
I'm scared, Sam.

498
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,030
I'm sorry I signed
that contract.

499
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,166
I give you my
blessing to remarry

500
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,784
after a respectful seven years.

501
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,836
As long as it's not to Kyle.

502
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,571
I hate Kyle.

503
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:52,672
I love you, Sam.

504
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,741
I love you, Jay.

505
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,160
Not as much as I do.

506
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,128
Elias, take me instead.

507
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,046
-Pete, no. -Peter!
-No.

508
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,114
Jay's my best friend.

509
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,649
He's got his whole life to live.

510
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:03,883
Oh...

511
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,452
Works for me.

512
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,341
--Oh my God!
-Carol,

513
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,110
-what did you just do?
-Something I should have done

514
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,627
a long time ago...

515
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:15,928
done right by you.

516
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,930
Carol just sacrificed herself

517
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,866
to save Pete, who
also stepped up.

518
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,801
Oh, my God.

519
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,836
All right, I haven't had
one since high school,

520
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,689
but I need a cigarette.

521
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,207
Carol, you didn't
have to do this.

522
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,242
You weren't a bad person.

523
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,610
We were just...

524
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:31,744
different.

525
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,113
Like donuts and donut holes.

526
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,082
-How do you mean?
-You know,

527
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,767
'cause they come from
different machines.

528
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,786
But it's all donut material.

529
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,020
No, I don't think so.

530
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:43,390
Okay.

531
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:44,424
Time to go.

532
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,493
Ta-ta.

533
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:50,096
Jay, you are officially free.

534
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,732
I was going to do it.

535
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,219
Uh, some could say I sort
of got the ball rolling.

536
00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,005
Well, this is new.

537
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,274
No, no, no, no!

538
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,859
What's happening?

539
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,178
She was going down, but now
she's getting sucked off.

540
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,614
This is incredible.

541
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,065
Bye, Pete!

542
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,034
Bye, everyone!

543
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,421
Tell Baxter I'll wait for him.

544
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:15,539
Yeah, right.

545
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,490
Thank you, Carol!

546
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:20,960
Her sacrifice

547
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,296
must have been enough to
cancel out going down.

548
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,797
-Amazing. -Hmm!
-Wow,

549
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,716
this must suck for you.

550
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,335
You were so close.

551
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,370
Patience.

552
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,509
New recliner. I love it.

553
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,178
This is the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

554
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:42,315
Multiple ghosts just offered
to go to hell for you, sir.

555
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,550
Well, you had a tough week.

556
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,318
I thought you deserved
some relaxation.

557
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,019
I'm so glad I didn't lose you.

558
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:48,755
I'm glad

559
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:49,739
Jay didn't go to hell,

560
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,491
but I'll miss Isaac.

561
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:52,992
I'm right here.

562
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,462
Okay, well, if you're Isaac,

563
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:56,496
then who's Doug?

564
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,097
There is no Doug.

565
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,932
We lost Doug?

566
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,167
No!

567
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:02,619
Doug!

568
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:03,787
It's all right.

569
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,672
Everyone, we have
an announcement.

570
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,507
Now that the danger has passed,

571
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,476
uh, we'd like to let
you all know that...

572
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,678
Pete and I finally
smooched last week.

573
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,747
Oh! Sick!

574
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,783
It's just like the doll version.

575
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:17,950
That is amazing.

576
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,469
-It is amazing.
-No,

577
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,805
I'm talking to Pete and
Alberta. Apparently they kissed

578
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,956
-last week.
-L-Let me get this straight...

579
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,458
you kissed Peter and then

580
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,043
he immediately
volunteered to go to hell?

581
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,028
No, that's not...

582
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:31,448
The two are
unconnected.

583
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:32,499
I don't like this narrative.

584
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,033
Ooh!

585
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,067
Real big life

586
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:38,204
is fixing to be A-OK.

587
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:48,164
Captioning sponsored by CBS

588
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,917
and TOYOTA.

589
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:54,454
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org